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Dead Elf Ornament

$ 22.00

These Dead Elves are the perfect Gothic solution to Christmas!

The legend of the Christmas Elf

(Dead Elf backstory)

 

What?

We heard you don't have an Elf Skeleton on your tree

or dangling in your garland for everyone to see!!!

Is it true? could it be?

Didn't you know?

It's like Christmas without snow!

 

Sure, long before elves where know for their crafting of toy

They were notorious for their pranks

And their joy to destroy

 

The Magic of the Christmas Elf Skeleton has been

Known for centuries from the North Pole to the South Pole

From China to New Mexico.

From England in the fog

To German's drinking Glogg.

 

It came about one snowy day

When all the elves were caught at play.

Don't you know?

Can't you say?

What happened on that famous day?

 

Well, Carl, the most diabolical elf in the group

threw everyone, yes everyone,

on THAT day for a loop.

 

Carl was known for his trickery,

and slickery and even bickery,

He did it often, it's true

Yes, he put glue in Santa's shoe

He sewed the hatch shut on Santa's suit

So he was surprised when he had to poop!

He switched the good boy's list

with the bad boy's list

so the good boys got just coal

and bad boys, well...

learned nothing at all!

 

Carl was known for his practical jokes

like putting thick oak branches in Santa's sled's spokes

Oh, and he drank Mrs Claus' liquor

Until he couldn't be sicker

 

But the elf hit the fan

On that very strange day

When Carl went too far

Even for pranky elf play

 

Sure, EVERYONE remembers the reindeer caper...

What? 

You don’t know?

When he tied a branch from a tree

laden with Lichen's on Donner's tail so Rudolph could see

 

Rudolph could not resist

The most tempting treat

So, he stomped, and he stomped

His large reindeer feet

 

The team harnessed for riding

Was turned all around

Into a circle

Rudolph leaped with a bound

And they raced and they raced

Around and around

Carl holding his stomach

With shrieks of laugher

And some strange snorting sound

 

Rudolph inches from the treat

Could not compete

With the quick and slick racing

Of the reindeer’s hoof’s beat

Then, exhausted from running

Rudolph fell first

And then one by one after

Each deer hit the snow

Putting on a disastrous

crazy elf show!

 

Now, the deer, and the squirrels

The snowmen and the even the elves

Joined forces with Santa, his wife and their dog

To teach Carl a lesson

Using a yule log.

 

We can’t say it was pretty

And all that was left

Were the bones of bad Carl

His scarf and a note tied to his chest…

 

“REMEMBER

REMEMBER

To always be good

For the legend of Carl’s elf shenanigans

Must be understood”

 

Everyone, yes everyone

On the North Pole and close by

From Australia to Zurich

From Missouri to Dubai

Hangs an elf skeleton

somewhere in their home

To remind Santa’s elves

You are just made of bone!

 

And so goes the legend of

Carl the bad elf

Who came long before

The elf on a shelf